Mothers birthday and  she very ill yesterday. I rang up Vin. twice on account of her. This morning he came, was sweet gave some sound advice and prescribed medicine. We went part of the way together. So this is this.  – Went to the Bank for the passports + to pay my debt I made yesterday. It was a funny case. Went to the chemists too I’m  ??? No wonder. Went to the dressmakers and to Leon’s office in the evening. We talked, he showed me their newest achievements. Later we went to see his books. His flat is nice I liked the bathroom. His bedroom too. Can be seen that he travels much. He put on some records afterwards and I can’t quite make out how but mutual (empty space) followed. We were both rather upset. Neither of us counted on it. A pity he is not catholic and I wonder about the other thing I heard. He was sweet and honest and I was in love with this man completely at the moment. It was rather late when I returned home a shame with Mother being ill. I didn’t count on this turn of events.

It is very hot. Had a letter from Bayana she is going to England in a fortnight time. Happy girl. Will have to write her before that. Phoned Leo but a bit late and only his brother was in. It seems we are getting quite good friends. After dinner I rang up Vin. on account of our last talk. I have an idea that he really means those cynical things he often says and which I never took seriously. Now I’m pretty clear too. He is not in the position to keep a family at present, isn’t very keen on the responsibility it means, either, so most probably doesn’t take the effort of getting into that coveted position. He is very young. All he wants is to have a good time (and all he wants of me is much the same) with no responsibility of any sort (as long as I don’t interfere with his other appointments. Socials come before private. Now that I see this I’m not under the delusion of ever becoming anything more to him at least not in an honest way and I know what to do. Steer clear. It will be made the easier for me by his being on holiday and I hope away. My duties will keep me after he returns and by the time I would be free I hope to have forgotten the man and that will be completed by my holiday which I hope will be abroad. The best solution, then, would be to marry, who knows I might find someone who will be worth caring for. In the meantime I will never mention him or think of him further. – What a pity Leon is not catholic. He would be the perfect consolation. – I leave these problems to Providence. There are other things to think about and I’ll find my ….. (empty place) yet.

Spoke with Leo in the evening and we made an appointment for Saturday.

At church in the morning. Rang up Marietta at noon to ask about the Sacred Heart Procession. She asked me to fetch her which I did. The Procession took the whole afternoon. I was at her place at 4 p.m. we went to the Sophianum straight away. Only a few were there of her congregation. We couldn’t hear the sermon and we couldn’t see the Holy Eucharisty. It is much more interesting and less work to stop at the roadside and see the Procession go by than to take part in it. This was a good as appropriate finish to my hover(???) , however. I met a lady there who lived in the Fürj str. (1/c). I’ve been wondering if that is not the place where Vin. goes sometimes. She was nice, we were singing together as I had the book. I met Edith Jármay too at the Sophianum with whom we used to go to school together. She is one of the Mothers now, but didn’t seem to change much. I liked her. She invited me their place at Budakeszi Rd for an afternoon. I think I’ll go to see her. After it was all over, the Csáky girls + their Mother + I went to have an ice with Marietta. Mrs Csáky was in an awfully hilarious mood talked all the time. It was quite fun.

Today I feel all broken and depressed. Of course it is partly yesterdays late night and the gymn beforehand besides Martha’s wishes. – Phoned Vin. too. He will be off for his holiday next week. In this too I feel at loss. For every nights is he booked but he “might be free” on Friday when we might manage an farewell party if he wasn’t be already away. Really very kind. Should I have meant anything to him he would have found time to see me more often. If only I knew. But I don’t want to spoil everything with a drastic break as long as I’m not pretty sure of his feelings + interests.

Got up at an unearthly hour this morning (5.40) and went to mass + holy communion (Sacred Heart). Went to gymn. in the evening. I was a bit stiff and out of practice, but not too much. I don’t think the two hours are worth the sum I payed, though. It was a surprise – Martha phoned in the evening. Really the way they spend gets on my nerves. Now it is the kid they want to get rid of. Poor little thing. Of course it is easy enough when there is someone else to pay for it. I really must make a good “sum up” and see how far it can go. We gave them such a large sum already that a little family might have lived on it for a few years. The poor parents at their old age to see that none of us stands on their own feet, but all depends on them and our undertaking. I think I will have to make a harder effort to know about our business thoroughly so as to be able to manage everything on my own too. One can never rely on anyone least of all one’s own brother or sister. And if they are not there when one needs them why should strangers help.

Mother still in bad condition. Am awful row, what more consecutive ones, though by the evening peace reigned in the family haven.

Mother much worse.

Was at the Bank this morning, asked about my Swiss holiday too. I’m afraid it would mean too much expense. Was at the Ministerium for Commerce too on account of the Hauers. Went to the furrier and am going to have my fur coat overmade. It must be I’m sorry to say. Had my neck seen to at one of the Beauty Parleurs. Those warts looked really bad though their place looks even worse at the present.