Today must be called ones of the darkest ones in the history of my (un?)eventful life. Much deserved punishment, revelation of own lack of psychological instinct, proof of right of conservative principles lately slightly neglected, etc. Would like to give myself a good moral kick. Well I deserve…

Another disagreement with dear Leon. Think of putting an end to all, but never really manage to. Lack of moral courage or the real i.e. great feeling I wonder. – Lecture in the Külügyi Társ., Mr Eöttevényi. Spoke about the North Hungary problem, or rather it’s past + present + future prospects. Met…

Nothing special last week. Been to a lecture in the Association of Foreign Affaires. Most interesting. Met an old admirer too amongst them, who proposed to show me the dark side of our town, most appropriately, the slums. – Poor old Miss Jerstandl (?) next door died on Monday, the men, Colonel +…

Bought some little things for the kids. Went to the dressmaker too. Gymn not so good as usually, was a bit tired I suppose. Found that one of the girls, Alexa K., was leaving a job as English correspondent at a Factory, which I might get owing to excellent English knowledge. 300 P-s a month. Quite…

A rather good lecture at the Parliement Museum on the Carpetho-Ruthens. Was not at all keen to go, only went on as a duty to my s.w.p. but found it very interesting. The place too. There were quite many people.

Quite mad of me, but again I thought I would give Leon a chance and let him accompany me home after gymn. So I rang him up in the afternoon. He recognized my voice and put down the receiver. I know we made appoint of doing so if a ring came at the wrong moment, but this time it was the very very…

 Was silly enough to ring up my dear exfriend last night quite late and to insist that this was the limit. After my brother brought back Magda’s theatre ticket for tonight I was even more silly to try and give the man one more chance. Asked him if he was free for the night which of course he wasn’t.…

Last week was nothing exceptional generally, from personal point of view rather a washout. On Monday morning I found out Leon meant to make an appointment previous day. He should have tried harder. Still felt a bit shaky so stayed at home. Leo went to the cinema. He promised to ring me up but…

Of course I didn’t ‘phone Leon yesterday though I promised to. After all if he is so curious about my welfare he can take the trouble too. Cemetery in the evening met Magdi when coming out. Heared later news of course. Slightly milder than casually. Now at least I have an idea of idle talk.…

Was mad enough to ring up Leon. I’m convinced that if I wouldn’t have made this he wouldn’t have had the idea. Was mad enough to meet him. I hate myself for it all and am thoroughly disgusted. This must stop. I have an idea that this was our last meeting under such certain stances. This all has no…