Mother still unwell, or rather worse. – Vin. ‘phoned me at noon, we had an interminable talk. It seems he was looking for me everywhere in the Opera House, except just in front of his nose. Characteristic. We won’t have much of a chance to meet nowadays, and it is better too, I think for he has a programme for all his evenings. Of course, according to my opinion it depends on how important the thing is. My highly valued company is of the least and I don’t wonder. Well I don’t want to sound bitter because just at present I feel buoyant. Light and happy. He is to have his holiday in July, and I’ll be off in August. So unless he tries hard to find a chance we won’t have the opportunity of meeting until somewhere in Sept. or Oct. By which time in this negative case I hope to forget him or at least school myself to complete indifference. I’ll certainly do my best and if ever I seriously resolve anything it is as good as done. – Atmosphere stormy in the family.

Went to confession in the morning took part in the procession afterwards. It was nearly noon by the time I returned. With Mother still feeling queer too. – In the afternoon I went to the cemetery, and to Martha’s house afterwards as the Pálffy’s were to come. It was quite amusing. The kids were quite alright, out of the way all the time, playing in the sand I think.

Had to go to buy a roll of pastry for Mother at the Hauer. Met all the men, but Marietta was out. It was most amusing. Old Father Hauer is always awfully sweet, this time too. But this time the youngest and most important of the sons sought me out and kept me company talking all the time I got over my ice cream. Of course I don’t flatter myself that it was for my own sweet sake, but he asked again for the help of one of our relatives in the Ministry of Commerce and I suppose he thought he must be uncommonly polite when asking for favours. It was even more amusing for that reason however and I enjoyed the situation. He is quite a nice fellow though if I come to think of it. The way he talked of the starlit night and his feeling of being robbed of something when his friends leave him then was most touching and I would never have thought anything the like of him. I promptly told him so. He talked about his coming holiday which he is to spend travelling with a young couple. That is how he came to former statements. We talked about marriage too after both of us sincerely assuring each other that we could think of no one perfectly suitable among our friends for the desirable position of a marriage partner. Quite sound ideas he has. Fancy that man talking like that. –

When coming home I met a crowd of young fellows cheering Szálasi. I could have cheerfully killed them. Not exactly that perhaps, but would have liked to shake each until he’d have learned reason. Not a simple person looked really grown up though. Just a mad crowd of overexcited slightly abnormal creatures looking for trouble, and trying to make martyrs of themselves. They deserve having their ears boxed I believe.

Last cooking lesson. A dull one too.

Mother worse. Martha + kids here in the afternoon. They were good. The kids, I mean.

All the day I was most excited on account of this evening outing. I bought a lovely little fur cape. It takes the place of an evening coat. The evening was a wash out however. I saw Vin. as soon as we got in. Most unexpectedly he was sitting exactly tow rows behind me. I was with P. Gizi and her husband. There was only one interlude and he noticed me just then only. As the last singer was the one for who’s sake they came they stayed in quite long after we went to the foyer, to go on applauding. That is quite natural. He called her by the name too which I didn’t like the least. I don’t think it was jealousy, but somehow I found it slightly distasteful. When he and his pals came out I meant to introduce him to my people, he was in such a hurry that I could hardly get at him and he wasn’t very keen on being introduced. I had to get on with it, but I hated the whole affair. And both of us included. I am thoroughly ashamed of having made myself so much as to drag him to my companion when he hesitated and I’m sure I made myself ridiculous in the eyes of his party. I don’t care two hoots about that though. I quite understand that he had to be off to congratulate the people of his friend who sang I suppose it was all my fault really should have waited patiently and let him come and find me on his own accord. I am sorry I didn’t. Of course he was late in getting back to his seat too and when we went out I simply forgot to look in his direction. I hate myself for all this. How I spoilt my evening I looked forward to so much. I deserve it too. If nothing else matters even the fact that I thought him out and insisted him to accompany me to the place, when he didn’t think of the same possibility. I have an idea that he isn’t so keen on showing me off to his friends as I might look in doing so with him. The nasty little creature. He should feel flattered that I wish to introduce him to my relatives or any of my friends. I suspect he is afraid of being lured into something serious or being thought to have such intentions. Well he needn’t be from my part. Whatever I gave him he can have full and without the shadow of my sat of a (emptly place). I never want to see him again. Well that is not quite true. But I must find out now what on earth can he mean. And if I’m serving the purpose of quitting I don’t know what sort of ??? for the time being only. In this case better get rid of the memory of him even.

The Dr has been to see Mother. She has to go to Karlsbad earlier this year. Good luck I didn’t go away as I meant to. Perhaps I can manage my August plans then.

Mother rather unwell, so Martha + kids not coming. I was to see them + at the cinema later.

At noon I rang up Vin. on account of the performance in the Opera House on Wednesday. I was sure he wouldn’t come or he’d be already booked for it. Latter happened. Silly of me to have asked him. We had a nice long chat however and made an appointment for meeting there.

Was in town in private matters mostly this morning. Changed my funny yellow hat to a modest, matter of fact solid blue straw hat of which most people will surely approve. ‘Phoned Vin. at noon he told me he had a Scout’s meeting this evening so wasn’t free, would meet me before that however. So I went away from the cooking earlier and was most amused as all the girls were so sorry for me. Of course I couldn’t tell the real reason, I told I was off on business and was told on this part to return and they would put my share of the food aside. It was really most awfully kind of them and I appreciated it. People are really nice everywhere, at least I am lucky enough to meet such always. Really the reverse must have happened so seldom I hardly remember such a case. Vin. was there though somehow I was scared that he wouldn’t and then what would I have done with my “fail” hat and a wibbly conscience so near the Gas works waiting for him. He told me he might have a patient on. One never knows with a doctor. He looked tired. We were insolent enough to go to a very near place for an ice where we talked until it was time for him to go to his meeting. At the bus stop I don’t know how it happened I only asked without really meaning anything if he really had to go the place. He took it for something else and said at once it wasn’t at all important and we should walk in different direction. My very faint protestings were swept aside. Besides what else could I do but follow him if he took definitely the lead. I was rather conscience stricken especially afterwards as most probably he was late even to meet the people there. It is sheer madness, but more difficult to stop the farther it develops. I really must do something about it but I don’t want to lose him. If only I would mean so much to him as he does to me. I suppose I ought to take a different attitude.