Still feel shaky. Went to gymn though as I promised to. There was quite a number of us to my greatest surprise. Thought to meet Leon afterwards. As he wasn’t there and I didn’t want to go on the usual roundabout way I rang him up, finding him there just rang off. Of course he recognized my voice. Later, at home, he must have phoned, but being exactly as impatient as I am rang off before I had time to get there. Of course I didn’t ring back. Besides the radio was at it’s most interesting at the time + giving the results of the Vienese conference. Those are rather disappointing too as Pozsony + Nyitra are not returned with the Ruthens.

Cemetery with the Arvas this afternoon. Leon had no time again. I’m through with the man. Magdi was much better this time. A friend of hers was there too. Poor little woman.

Was quite ill this morning. Had to lie down and leave the office. Such a thing didn’t happen to me in the last nine years. I don’t know if it is indigestion or just nerves. Or both. I went to the cooking course though but felt most shaky.

According to appointment I went to an early cinema. When coming out I expected to find Leon there but he wasn’t. I returned a few times in vain. Tried to phone first in vain, later the apparate got mad somehow and swallowed my money at last. So I gave it up in the end and returned home thoroughly angry with both of us. Had a big supper to make up for the disappointment. Then had the mad idea to ring him up thinking he wasn’t in anyway. But he was. It seems there was a misunderstanding. He was waiting for my phone call for ages being at his brother’s previously. It nearly drove me crazy. I’m going to stop this unhappy attachment. Simply won’t let myself get upset on account of anything so

It was pouring yesterday and we didn’t meet with Leon though we thought to do so. When I spoke with him at night however I had to find out that he wasn’t out either. I won’t do such mad things ever for anyone again. Tonight’s meeting was slightly different from what we planned at least he. I rang him up on several occasions at appointed time. He didn’t answer, so I went on the gymn. At the bus stop, where I had to change I thought I’d phone him but then thought I wouldn’t. Let him make all the moves in future. It seems he goes in at the time though. After gymn, which was quite nice by the way, as we were alone with Emmy, I didn’t expect to meet him, but he was there. We made an appointment for the next day. He was nice, brought me my birthday books and a flask of rose essence, some powder too. But I’m getting tired of the whole affair. It was a disappointment too to find we both had time etc. and we could meet for such a short walk only. I would call it Providence though.

Phoned Cica today as it is her birthday. Promised to visit her tomorrow. Or next week. We made a lovely caramel pudding tonight with caramel sauce. The filled eggs were very good too. One of best menus.

A busy day. I had to go the District Committee on account of our machines. Had to wait for ages for one of the engineers. When arriving home Bözsi, whom I made friends with at the cooking course, ‘phoned me with the astonishing news that they were separating with her husband. As she seemed to be the happiest person alive all the time I was most surprised. It is her husband’s fault she says. Must be rather bad. When coming home in the evening I met her on the bus. It was quite funny. We made an appointment for Friday. I had to go in town on business, called at Marietta’s for half an hour, then went to meet Leon as he proposed a cinema. It was lost time, those two hours, which we spent together as we could not talk. We resolved to make the most of our ? time together in future. – It was good fun at the Hauers. Miska was most friendly. We seem to get on well. It was Mr H’s birthday on Sunday, so I congratulated him. They made teasing remarks on my short stay, which were, however, rather true this time.

Being quite curious how did it happen on Saturday, I rang up Leon very early. He couldn’t speak much being in hurry(?), just told me that his brother was called in to military service in spite of being a 50 percent invalid and having gone through a serious operation quite recently. They were trying to do their best to have him released. It was for office work he was called in for only, though. Later again I phoned him and spoke with his brother. We are on most friendly terms. I wonder what he suspects. Cooking most interesting but we finished quite early. When at home I spoke with Leon at last and made an appointment for next day.

The usual Sunday. Went to confession which did a lot of good. Never again will I do anything like happened in my “dark” past. Couldn’t speak with Leon all day. I’m fed up with the man. Saw Azurexpress in the Kamara in the evening.

Was awfully hard to decide. I resolved not to give in any more but I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been so strong if it would have actually come to tell him so. Fortunately I was preserved from that. It wasn’t too early when I rang him up and the line was occupied. Later my call wasn’t answered. Same happened several times through the day. In the evening I went to have my gymn lesson like usually. Ervin brought me home, the car is much nicer now, looking bigger too ‘being painted dark blue. He took me to the gymn place, giving a lift or rather fetching them. ? couldn’t be so clinging as usually which I prefer. I rang up Leon again thinking he must be quite mad with disappointment by now. Seems he was trying to sooth his nerves by doing something to some sort of machine in their factory. It is not nice to be suspicious but I can’t help thinking he didn’t want to speak with me today for some reason or other.