An awful rush to day, had an unexpected order which nearly made my visit to the Clinic impossible. Don’t know if it wouldn’t have been better. Anyway I know if I wouldn’t go that day I wouldn’t go at all, so in the end, very late I took a car and rushed there. Now was it worth? No. First of all I…

Managed to send off all Xmas letters at last. Have already received some from abroad. It was fun. When getting a fat volume from Auntie, took it for a good roman, but it turned out to be a cookery book. Well, the laugh is on me. I nearly had a fit. Have chillblains which gave an opportunity of…

Opera night. Went to a performance of Beethoven’s Fidelio. Was afraid to meet Vin. there, but didn’t see, them. The performance very good. Dresses nice. My place good. Had to go home on foot.

Still feel excited. Made up my mind about Marietta too though wasn’t sure if people wouldn’t be about to spoil situation. To her I played again the courageous though slightly broken hearted one who meant to do what is right all along (which is true, at least mostly) and so let herself in for…

Went to see Margareth this afternoon. The kids are sweet, she is getting on quite well as a mistress of her house. We had quite a talk. If it comes to it things sound quite different when they are talked about than when only thought of. Told her how I’ve been let down and how I mean to let down…

Still can’t get over after effects of shock of previous day. Can’t say I had a sleepless night but certainly found soliloquy at 3 a.m. most uncomfortable. But as I’m alone to blame, and nothing happens by chance, and if it is, and as it is the will of God it must be for the best and it is for the…

Today must be called ones of the darkest ones in the history of my (un?)eventful life. Much deserved punishment, revelation of own lack of psychological instinct, proof of right of conservative principles lately slightly neglected, etc. Would like to give myself a good moral kick. Well I deserve…

Nothing special last week. Been to a lecture in the Association of Foreign Affaires. Most interesting. Met an old admirer too amongst them, who proposed to show me the dark side of our town, most appropriately, the slums. – Poor old Miss Jerstandl (?) next door died on Monday, the men, Colonel +…

 Was silly enough to ring up my dear exfriend last night quite late and to insist that this was the limit. After my brother brought back Magda’s theatre ticket for tonight I was even more silly to try and give the man one more chance. Asked him if he was free for the night which of course he wasn’t.…

What a day. In the morning Leon rang me up, but we couldn’t speak much. ‘Phone calls came, one after the other after that. I made an awful fool of myself early in the afternoon. Someone phoned and gave no name: thinking it was Leon, who, not recognizing my voice previously nearly rang off called ?…