Still can’t get over after effects of shock of previous day. Can’t say I had a sleepless night but certainly found soliloquy at 3 a.m. most uncomfortable. But as I’m alone to blame, and nothing happens by chance, and if it is, and as it is the will of God it must be for the best and it is for the best even though one can’t exactly see it that way, I’ll just pass over it. The pain connected with the events is but a small portion of the punishment (xxxx). Anyway it will pass sooner or later. As I know myself, sooner. And as about people who’ll talk especially when it will be announced well that will pass too. I’ll make it my business to make the most of that also by offering it to God for his happiness. If I’ll feel magnanimous enough at the time. –

To return to our meeting with Leon, it nearly didn’t come off as both of us happened to wander about the short place appointed. Might have thought I’d be no courage would fail me again if it comes to decision or something would happen to prevent it. Again found couldn’t let him down when everything goes wrong with him. Quite curious to know where will this lead to. Mustn’t let myself lose my head. We are certainly fond enough of each other for marriage. If only other differences wouldn’t exist. But if it is the real thing can anything possibly exist to prevent it. And if it is the will if God I’ll do it yet. But how am I to know if it is that.