Today must be called ones of the darkest ones in the history of my (un?)eventful life. Much deserved punishment, revelation of own lack of psychological instinct, proof of right of conservative principles lately slightly neglected, etc. Would like to give myself a good moral kick. Well I deserve what I got and even more. Rang up exfriend Vin. for a little talk and had the shocking news that he is to be engaged at Xmas. In spite of rather hollow feeling at stomach managed, I hope, to sound natural and interested. – The little girl is fair with brown eyes and a sylph. Must be tall and slim. She is very young. Even too young for Vin. being only 19, though I said against own opinion that it was exactly the right age for him. Naturally wished him all the best etc. and told him I would go to see him, some time on account of prosaic chillblains. Can’t think how could I misunderstand him so. To hear my own ideas from him as an echo nearly dumbfounded me. But then how could he know anything about my ideas when I used to speak in much the same way. He must have taken me for exactly as luxury loving, who couldn’t give up any little comfort, etc. But then at least I was grand enough to forgive him for it. Not much of a compensation though. Anyway poor Vin doesn’t count any longer. I am glad he found her when he was free. It would have been awful I’d have been engaged to him. It might have happened even when married. What more I have an awful suspicion that the poor little girl will have the unpleasant experience too, some time in her life, for it is not in Vin’s nature to be perfectly tone and he has a lot of temptation to evade. If the first bloom blows off he'll be the same as ever. Must be glad to be rid of him and yet it hurt awfully. Especially the so sensitive vanity. To have been such a fool. And to have let myself be made such a fool of. Really I deserve this. And if I wouldn’t have let him make love it would be even much easier to bear. As a matter of fact there wouldn’t be much to bear then. So I offer this as a penalty for what shouldn’t have been, to God, and wish him + the little one best luck! Sincerely. But now there is another problem for me. Now that he is no more I mean to hold me back the Leon problem arises in all it’s fulness. Vin might have, so to say, saved me from him. He is the only one I wouldn’t have minded marrying. What now. Is it Providence I wonder and it is my …. (empty space) to be at the side of this man in spite or rather on account of the difficulties that await him. Must come to some sort of a decision. I know they  will be against it at home. Tried to see him tonight but made an appointment for tomorrow instead. – Gymn very good tonight.