An awful rush to day, had an unexpected order which nearly made my visit to the Clinic impossible. Don’t know if it wouldn’t have been better. Anyway I know if I wouldn’t go that day I wouldn’t go at all, so in the end, very late I took a car and rushed there. Now was it worth? No. First of all I had to wait and the dear man must have felt guilty and embarrassed too he left me much alone. Thus I took it far too much to heart instead of laughing over it which would have been more natural + appropriate. We talked a little which wasn’t very satisfactory. Seems I’m to blame for everything so head high. Had a strange feeling at the stomach, nevertheless, and thought with belated regret: did I need this. Have to go through all stages of these feelings. Quite interesting from psychological point of view, but denied rather to be the suffering subject. This heartbreak thing resembles in my case uncommonly to indigestion which sounds so prosaic. But then I’m supposed to be as as morning sunshine or just plain daylight?