Met the K.s? on my way to church. Had a little discussion over Hitler. I’m tired of the man. Met Mrs. Farkasvölgyi afterwards. She is charming. Went to the Kamara (Kék róka) in the afternoon. Enjoyed the piece. Kiss F. was especially good in his part. Besides he stared at me most of the time. We sat in the front row so he couldn’t help it. Maybe he didn’t really see me, only the vain creature that I am prefers to think so. I’ve a shrewd idea, however, that he disapproved my red frock and funny hat and it was the only amusing thing for him in the play of which he must be thoroughly tired. Bajor G. was really good too, but I haven’t seen her for ages and I don’t want to be so rude as to say she is getting old. Altogether it was a delightful piece, though the morale of is quite superficial. – Martha came home afterwards.

Father’s nameday. He received a backet [bucket]  of flowers from Erzsi, who continues to believe that a backet makes all the difference. Of course Mother was furious about the basket again like usually, but it doesn’t seem to help. Erzsi forgets it by the next time. Ervin brought flowers too. Very nice ones. I felt quite a little miser with my cigarettes. Will have to make up somehow. Seem to be getting into a rut and the good old habit of thinking too much about my own remarkable person. How disillusioning. – The tense atmosphere is lifting between Mother + me, anyway I couldn’t go to see the womenDr again, which doesn’t mean that I’m not going to next week, because Ervin went to see the Motor Car Exhibition, partly on account of my indisposition. Sounds funny, not seeing a Dr on that account. –

I had a wild idea of phoning to Vin. simply couldn’t stand the silence, but it was against my good resolutions.

I had a brainwave and asked my particular patron’s help and intervention. Asked him to let me have it as a sign that the favour I asked for would be fulfilled, that the man to whom I’d belong should give a sign of life, or rather’d wish to speak with me. It might have been another quite so easily but Vin. rang me up most unexpectedly and even more unexpectedly fixed up a meeting. Well, I might just as well own that I wanted him to be the “sign” so it is the case ever since I know him. At least most of the time. All except the “strange interlude”. I only wish he’d not have made the remark he was a confirmed bachelor, which is quite silly because he had no time to develop to that so far. Anyway he won’t have the chance now, if I can help it and my particular-friend from the next world will help me. Poor boy, can he have a chance! And why should he, no one could be fonder of him than I am or could understand him more. – Of course some people would laugh at my attitude of taking things in this way in this modern and cynical age of ours, but I simple refuse to do as St Joseph helped me in other quite helpless cases too and this is the most serious one in one’s life. I trust him implicitly and unconditionally. And anyway I’ve never loved a man really before. Not even my Jewish friend or else I’d have married him, I’m not narrow minded. True that Vin. might have someone better and richer with people who could help him in his career by their influence, but he isn’t the sort who’d think this the most important, he isn’t narrow minded either and anyway I might have made far better matches too, financially, heaps of times. – Now who dares to blame our age of lack of romance, illusions and unselfishness. – We went to cinema after my gymn lesson. He was rude enough to applaud when Hitler appeared on the screen of which I was heavily and openly disapproved. The film wasn’t much worth but we enjoyed ourselves.

Had quite a row with mother on account of my visit to the Dr. It really is most illogical of her. First of all I told her I’d go and she had nothing against it then it isn’t me but them who wish to see me married. This examination is taken for a personal offence it seems. I believe this was the last thing I told them at home. In future I’ll do what I think is right and it’ll be a personal affair and’ll remain to be that with not even the nearest to interfere. And I won’t let anyone know a single thing about what concerns me. –

This morning I had nothing but politics to discuss with people who were in the office. I’m thoroughly tired of this Hitler business + general European questions. –

But really I can’t understand my people, they should be happy that I so much ? think of marriage sure sign of which should be this med. exam. . Really I won’t bother further with the matter won’t see the Dr again, have no use for that medical certificate anyway. And will stop thinking of this business marriage too. Am already doing my best to cut out men friends of my life so it follows automatically. There are other interests in life also, will have to find my

I’m thoroughly disgusted. Too bad, I am losing my sense of humour over the matter. How silly. I feel I could die quite cheerfully. It is hard to believe when one is so depressed, that it is just a passing mood and something nice awaits one just round the corner and one’ll be as happy as ever tomorrow. It is a shame to spoil this lovely weather by anything so ungainly as a moody face. Cheerio, etc….

Today I wrote the Society of Foreign Affairs that I’d join them for 67 (???) membership. It is Father’s nameday tomorrow.

Dr…. (sic!) who gave the av. lecture yesterday is quite a nice person. Middle aged, jovial and very thorough.

Went to see a woman doctor to have myself examined. Heart, lungs, abdomen, blood pressure, pulse alright. No sign of flat footedness so far, but too nervous. My hands would keep shaking slightly, though it may be on account of the energetic gymn of former night. Eyelids kept fluttering though, also. Well, I know, I’m run down and am in about the worse condition since ages. She is a nice calm person, has a sweet little flat in a nice modern house. I liked her. Am to see her again some time, we spoke of Saturday, to have blood and urine analysed. It seems there is no reason why I shouldn’t marry if I wanted to. It’d be easier if the answer’d be negative.

A strenuous gymn. tonight. We were four, this time, stayed for the next with Emmy.

Our poor old dog is gone. He wasn’t so old, though. Perhaps someone poisoned him.

(photo: Hilda's own, his nephew, Ervin Korpás in the cart)

Had some business to attend to, so was late for av. lecture again. The lecturer was punctual, on the other hand it seems, so I missed a lot, I suppose. It is newest is to go about the hall, rambling. Quite an interesting fellow. Seems to know his job.

Waited for Moth., most silly of me. Ervin said she told she’d come. I’m going to be wise in the future. Went to the cin. afterwards saw “I love you” in the Corvin. Based on the “Bohèms”. Only I don’t know why had it to be doubled. The story. Otherwise It was quite nice and sad. People kept sniffing around me. Except the left hand neighbour who was chewing sweets stoic. The singing was good (Kiepura – Eggerth).

I read in the papers that Prof. Somogyi died all of a sudden yesterday. How sad. Such a big, energetic man, full of life. I’m dreadfully sorry and more sorry than ever that I didn’t give him a good example in a stronger way than I manged to. poor man. Now he knows all there is to know. Somehow I never thought he’d go so quickly. Isn’t it futile to be bad in any way, not to take some effort and manage to keep as pure as possible. I’m going to take more care of Vin.

We are very much upset. The Austrian president was forced to abdicate, Seyss Inquart asked the Germans to go into Austria. The man is mad. I don’t think I’m mistaken if I think his name will be coupled with the most appropriate adjective of traiter. Maybe though that he is only a tool in the hands of the Germans. What will the future bring. Will England and France still be under that lethargic spell which prevents them helping a nation against sheer brutality of force. –

Went to the teaparty of the Trav. Comp. Found it too dull for words. Was late of course but they were silly enough to start with the film which was the purpose of my call. Arrived in dark. The whole affair was typical of their talent of organization. The film was a muddle of different trips. The leader was to be seen mostly and the favourite of the guide, the little plump one. Nothing of our beautiful excursion to the Pic du Midi which was the only thing that really interested me. Paulovits made one of his little hypocritical speeches, we made the most of it by tell all the news with Répássy who was there. Snaps came afterwards. When those of our trips were over and Paulovits wouldn’t stop talking I left. In the dark. Those who didn’t know me must have taken my former presence for hallucination. – We had a good laugh over my arrival to the gymn class. Of course I was late and they were already working. Marg. had a fit when I coolly said, why I’m not so late, when I ought have been there more than an hour ago. It was a good one. We tried …. again. This time I succeeded and Emmy not. Most pleased, she downhearted.

Went to see Ami as tomorrow is her nameday. Her sister + s. in law were there a nephew + Sándor. She is leaving on next day. It was a cheerful little visit. Been invited to the xxx’s party Juli + relatives arrange from time to time. Of course I accepted with thanks, though the first had to be refused (Mici’s) on account of Monday’s av. lecture. They kindly suggested to put it on an other day. They are nice, I think I’ll enjoy meeting them. – Went to see Vin. in high spirits. He looked a bit pale + tired, effects of his light attack of flu. Don’t know how to put down the half an hour that followed. I suppose it should be under the term of love making, though it sounds somehow strange in connection with my own person. Can’t understand myself on wondering about him. Dear boy. It would be a perfect marriage, he’d never know how he stands with me, yet could rely on my loyalty. And I would be kept pressing too.

After this encounter quite forgot my promise of staying at home for the Dr’s visit. Went to gymn. lesson instead. Surprised a most distinguished gent. having dancing lessons. Apologized later. It was a lovely gymn evening. We all enjoyed it, I mean Emmy, Margareth, our teacher, and I.