There was a meeting at the Redoute at 11 a.m at which Sándor was to make a speech too. I went was a bit late of course but so at least Anci had a good chance to see me coming in. Sándor spoke very well indeed. Both the contents of his speech + his way of speaking intonation etc. were excellent. I enjoyed it immensely he was often interrupted by an applause and at the end had a well earned ovation. I met them + Jani + Mici when going out. Went part of the way with the latter two. – Gymn a sad affair. I wasn’t doing exercises lately, at least not too diligently besides being absent twice as was rather stiff, lazy + out of practice. What more it is put on my cooking days, so it is quite unprobable that I can manage to go in the next two weeks.

Had to do in town, was at Cica’s too and heard that they were to be off for Kenderes the very day. She was out I couldn’t wait for her return so just left a message. As my cough was worse than ever decided to have my lungs examined if possible and being near the place went to see Vin. He nearly had a fit. I too. There were fourteen persons waiting for him. He just smiled at my suspicions which quite naturally made me resent his attitude so after a short chat I left him. At least I had the information I wished to obtain, that: 1) he was going to the Midnight Adoration; was 2) going to conf; was going to the Legate’s Mass on Sunday which meant he was not coming to the Aerodrome with me, for most unsuitably those people who managed the course on Aviation put that finishing visit to the Aerodrome + free flight on the 29^th, which made me hesitate in taking part in it. Well, to be exact & to get back to the point Vin. 3) wasn’t coming and wasn’t coming to the concert in the Conservatory either on 1^st June. Latter rather offended me as I told him about it ages ago so he knew it very well when making appointments. I’m coming to the conclusion that he isn’t very keen on my company in such innocent affairs. Do I know anything about others either. Anyway, of one thing I’m sure a long time must pass before I ask him to anything again. And by then many things might happen. I might even die. Or go on a journey and forget all about our friendship, that was. –

As about Cica’s invitation to Kenderes which includes him perhaps I can manage to put it off altogether. It would be specially easy if I could go abroad soon for a time. Or else someone else must be taken or I might join one of his, Ervin’s parties and be dropped there. I don’t think any of these will come off, though I would like to see something of the country. –

Went to Anci’s afterwards to return the white membership card they were awfully nice and asked me to keep it. – Cooking quite alright. We cooked asparagus too. The young woman, the daughter turned out to be a med. student in her fifth year How I do envy people with a definite career. Can I speak of mine as such I wonder. – Went to the Adoration at 9 p.m. afterwards. It was nothing very special. There was a long sermon at the beginning. I met crowds + crowds of men going to the Midnight Admiration for men. My brother + some of friends went too.

I decided to take part in the Mass for the Youth of the Eucharistic Congress. Yesterday I bought a green membership card + went to confession. In future I’ll go to conf. only once in a month + will try to keep to it strictly, so farewell to all the dark patches in my life. I managed to buy a seat when going in, otherwise I’d have had to stand somewhere, and it turned out to be an extremely good place, just below the altar, at the front of it beside the bridge leading to it from the Vajda Hunyad Castle. First Aid people were there too, + confessional chairs too. We could see + hear everything on that side very well. It was very moving I was glad to have gone.

At noon just when thinking about how to have a good view of the River Procession Anci rang me up to ask if I’d like to have one of their tickets. Of course I jumped at it, and was most happy about it. Had to go to Anci’s flat to be taken with them in their car to the place, so I arrived in grand state in an official car at the ? place I was to sit in thanks to my “confirmation” parents who got off earlier.

The procession was marvellous, the ships, shores + bridges beautifully illuminated especially the ship with the Eucharity. The trouble was that by the time the procession arrived from the Bazilika it was about 9 p.m. and the people quite chilled by the cold breeze from the Duna. It took a long time too for the ships to pass round. Fortunately a kind soul took care of me and had her arm round me to keep me warm. She was an elderly lady from Sofia (???)

I saw the fireworks from farther up, they were late in getting off but it was worth while visiting for them. The loveliest were the illuminated falls around the Cross which was a burning stream itself also later on. First gleaming in red, then white + green, while all sorts of crazy bunches + bushes of fireworks were let off above and around it. When it went out one or two more came for a finish and then we went home. It was nearly midnight when I arrived.

A Nemzetközi Eucharisztikus Kongresszus programfüzete elérhető: ITT.

I was most shocked. In spite of my hearty reassurances that I won’t go to Martha’s this afternoon Mother promised her that I would, when she phoned. The kids were rather bad and though M. returned early I came home late again. I nearly had a quarrel with Martha over different questions. If things go wrong it will be entirely her own fault. She can’t bring up her children properly and then worries that they are naughty + would like to get rid of the consequences; she can’t handle her husband, poor man deserves a better treatment & then she’ll wonder that there is no peace + order in her home. The trouble is she doesn’t want a shop but would like to live without work and care follow the example of her rich friends. I’m not the least satisfied with her. I do hope if ever I do marry I won’t be the least like her. After all marriage is a whole time job.

Even if I’ll do my utmost to preserve and to (empty place) my personality I’ll do my best to be a good wife + mother and be myself and make my home as haven of peace and if possible comfort. My own person + the atmosphere which surrounds me should be a refuge from all the worries of career + everyday life my people should find peace + contentment + love in my company. – Shouldn’t Vin. be delighted. But I’m afraid he has not only a high opinion of me. At least he has no reason to have it. – I ‘phoned Vin. this afternoon wanted to persuade him to take part at the Midnight Adoration on the 27^th + to go to confession beforehand. He already resolved former, but I’m sure he’ll do the other too so (inkblot on the paper) off my mind and a great loud (?) too.

At the cemetery this afternoon. Went to a most fashionable theatre show Fedák in Mágnás Miska. The performance was quite good, but the place itself slightly dirty, the people slightly common and I was highly amused. My cold is worse.

(Színházi Élet 1938/21. sz.)

Had to do in town again and took the “espresso” to Cica at the same time. Didn’t expect to go in, but they were just home from the registrar’s office + there was some company. Was invited to go in. Met the two best men also. The young couple was awfully happy naturally. Jancsi doesn’t look at all well though, he is pale and thin. – At the actual wedding I was naturally a bit late. Couldn’t see anything so wandered round the church till I met Marcsi who most kindly offered her place for a look round and Vin. who was looking on most attentively. We went to send a wire to the young couple afterwards. After a little walk we arrived back nearly to the same place. I had no idea what he meant when he suggested going on in the direction of the Clinics. We spent an hour together. I can’t exactly describe my feelings which were rather mixed. I was thrilled, frightened, amused, curious + ashamed at the same time. I thought I arrived to the bottom of all possible experiences the last time, but I was mistaken and I have an idea that there are still some left. At the end I felt he would hate me for all of it just I thought I could never look at him again instead of which we nearly started the whole affair afresh only we had no time. I was convinced at the moment that he would never marry me and if he would it would be only the worse for me. That will be the punishment perhaps. One must always pay for everything. I don’t want him to be found at fault, however, so first I’ll try making amends for all and I think it is my duty to give things another turn as it is my fault thing went so far. If I don’t succeed I’ll have to give up seeing him, for a time at least. Go away if possible. The farther the better. – My cold is rapidly returning it is my fault, didn’t take care at bathing.

Had to do in town, was at the dress makers too. Went to see Cica as I was going round had a good look at her new things and we had a good talk and a good laugh too. Their wedding is going to be most modern with no first night as she is having her period and the Drs were wise enough not to interfere with it. After dinner they plan going to a night club and to hold sort of a bachelors + spinster’s party accumulated + mixed. I wouldn’t care to start my married life in a bar though. She asked for an electric coffeeboiler, exactly what I though of giving her.

Arrived to gymn late but worked only on the second lesson as it was. I was the only to appear, later Lonci arrived, however, but didn’t practice. It was a good lesson, though just a bit lazy sort, especially at the end when we were left to our own desires. I showed the people some  . jumps but only two or three followed. Lonci told me she never noticed I worked so well. I’m glad at last someone who understands it had an opportunity of attending to it. My knee still hurt though so I didn’t do the exercises which were supposed to be done on it.

Summer is here. And I have nothing to wear. That awful dressmaker of mine really should have been quicker I won’t be able to wear the blue woollen or my grey two piece either. Too bad really. The bruises don’t hurt so much any longer so perhaps it is not so bed (sic!) and exploring the next world is put off for a time. Still as soon as I meet Vin. I’ll have to find out all about that sort of death. But of course I won’t go to see him now or ring him up, though as Father is going that way it would be a splendid occasion. To see him. Well, I won’t.