Last week was nothing exceptional generally, from personal point of view rather a washout. On Monday morning I found out Leon meant to make an appointment previous day. He should have tried harder. Still felt a bit shaky so stayed at home. Leo went to the cinema. He promised to ring me up but didn’t. On Tuesday again tried to speak with him but he was not alone. Of course he didn’t try to ring me back later. Doesn’t matter. Was at Marietta’s in the evening. Found out she had an inferiority complex on account of neglected education. Seemed to have hurt that very sore feeling on journey of previous day. That can’t be forgiven. Forward with psychology now. Wednesday found me in town at the Ministry of Commerce where say Preier Gyula bá’ in vain. At evening gymn. Before that rang up Leon to ask if he would come to fetch me. Was slightly doubtful asked to ring him up again when coming out. Was mad enough to do so. Wasn’t answered so thinking he was on his way stalked about the streets appointed for half an hour which being thoroughly disgusted resolved to end affair definitely. Having lost :::? coins on account of ‘phoning, having done so a second time too and being answered by his brother, made up my mind to allow myself one ? for a special fund, aim of which at present unknown, every day I don’t try to get in touch with the man, giving two pengős for charity purposes every day I do. Kept it up until today which still leaves two pengős to my credit. On Thursday went to a lecture in the Society of Foreign Affaires. Nothing very special. Went to Cica’s afterwards. Stayed a short time only. On Friday had a most amusing incident. When just going out one of our clients from the country called with a car. Was kind enough to give me a long lift to town at end of which asked if driver wouldn’t get a little kiss at least as a reward. Told him it wasn’t customary with me, at which he remarked it didn’t depend on that. Was slightly tempted to give him a lesson and made him fell silly by doing so. First time I had such an offer in my long experience in other people’s car. Believe not the last. Stay at home in the evening. On Saturday still keep staying (?) in good resolutions do not ring up Leon, neither does he ring me up. What more go home on different way after gymn. Sunday mixed feelings. If it isn’t important for him to get in touch with me I really can’t mean anything to me either. Will made a definite end slowly and irrevocably. Cemetery and cinema with Martha later. Someone rings us up at 4 p.m. makes me think it is Leon but the person doesn’t speak so it might be for my brother. Gives me a ? feeling however to imagine that Leon might want me. All goes well as long as I feel it is all quite indifferent to him. But as soon as I find Leo needs me good resolutions fade. In this case good reason must come to the aid. This all can’t come to anything and I hate this ? about it. It is not in my nature. Either be open and honest about it or nothing. So let it be. – Today rang him up. This is in the plan. He must see that it is not me who does the letting down. I would never forsake a friend. The talk in itself was most unsatisfactory. I did the ringing up so it was his share to do the talking. He seems to feel something is getting wrong. Time he does. I have a grand feeling that I don’t care any longer if he does ring me up or not, if I see him soon or not, if I ever meet him or not. The sore point is I still care if everything goes well with him or not. In latter case I still want to share it. But I suppose this charitable feeling will cease too and I’ll be completely free again. How lovey to be free and not wear the fetters of a feeling for a man who must care so little. Soon it will be all over I hope, and I can start that new life I have been thinking of. Such an adventure. –

He promised to ring me up before 5 p.m. But I’m quite sure he won’t. This however fits in my plan. I don’t think I’ll ring him up again before next Monday morning. And then or before or later but as soon as I get the chance he will be told that in future he must do all the “wooing”. After all until now I did my share and his too and I’m finished. He’ll get as much as he is out for but nothing will be given on my own. Which means that having this rather masculine streak of indolence in these matters he will do nothing, neither will I and so the affair will slowly fade away.