The whole week passed in a whirl. Went to the Sophianeum on retreat. It was the best I had since the first with F. Bíró. Stayed in for the whole time on the third day only. Marietta, her goddaughter Miry (?) I + the christened Jewess were in the same company. We kept together. This young woman, the conversed one, was rather hurt on the last day by a slighting remark on Jews. We tried to comfort her and told her at the same time to expect slights like that + even worse on every possible occasion. On the whole she was nice and might be thinking about conversion seriously, though I’m sure without these caressing (???) circumstances she would never have thought of it. Of course her whole mentality couldn’t change so suddenly so she does say unexpected things at times. I wonder if Marietta has the same experience. Doesn’t matter anyway. Asked the Father (Kardos) opinion too on my problem of Jewish marriage. He told me he didn’t think I really loved the man it was rather a trick of biological instincts (or something like he didn’t say it exactly so), we shouldn’t meet for a longer time at least until about Easter. Told him his birthday comes earlier, so he said I’ll see by then. I should ask the Lord to send me some other partner for life, he didn’t think this would be a fortunate solution. Should ask for particular protection of the Holy Virgin too. Anyway if I wouldn’t marry that wouldn’t be such a great thing as remaining single had quite a great deal more of a (…….) (empty space) connected with it. Never thought of that. But otherwise then I thought exactly about the same question and in the same way even to this last I mentioned to him, so it is good to see that I struck on the right path. On Friday evening I was so happy that I never felt like that before. Would have happily died at the time. Can’t quite explain what it was like, I was simply bursting with it. Makes one feel strong that such feelings exist and in a comparatively bad time. After all from a human + realistic point of view I really wasn’t in the worst (?) of circumstances. With parents elderly, if not old, and in not of the best health; in as world of insecure as ever; being let down by one man, though according to my wishes, still being hurt by it, having to give up the other and having such remorse on his account, in a not too youthful age, with no prospects as they say, do I won’t admit latter as one has as many prospects as one chooses. Anyway I don’t think I had much to be happy about if I would have classes to be pessimistic, and still I was, as I already described, buoyantly happy. So it doesn’t depend on circumstances. – Had my photo taken too and they are ready. Two are good. Marietta chose on of the bad ones, a smiling pose. – No news from England. Sent Auntie R. none photo as one given to Marietta.

Should have gone to see Eve Gratner (??) but phoned her off on account of Mother being in a bad condition. Somehow don’t think I good to start with her. Poor girl. Was in the cinema instead. Couldn’t go to gymn. yesterday as went to help Martha br. in law being ill.

Br. in law in rather bad condition. Has to have his tonsils looked to.

Had a chat after photographing with the rather charming woman I found for the problem. Yesterday. Today it was done on different attitudes. Though I’m afraid my hair, washed yesterday, wasn’t too good. Quite good fun this photographing business only a bit expensive. She promised to put my photo out if it turns out very good. I wonder. I asked her to put it in that case in the place I noticed her photos first, the bus stop where I usually change for gymn classes. That would be a very good place, for not only girl friends would see it, but my dear exfriends, who both have to pass it nearly regularly. Besides I’m going to let Marietta have one, that will give her dear brother a chance of seeing me. Of course he’ll be told to have a look at the big one if it really is put out. I wonder. I’m going to send one to Auntie Rose too. Had a card from Beatie telling she is making good progress. If only this isn’t a forerunner of the end. Though as Emmy, with whom I go to the gymn classes, says, these sorts of operations succeed very well at times.

Gymn good on Saturday. The usual programme yesterday, except for an unforeseen visit to Martha’s to see br. in law who is ill and the kids. Decided to have my photo’ taken.

Mother in need of that medicine + I decided to ? to Vin’s house to have recipe signed. Was a bit curious about his home. Phoned him first for certain. It was funny. He hasn’t a proper consulting room, but uses his bedroom + his people’s flat for it. The room itself slightly crowded but cosy. More like a girl’s room than a man’s. The little hall too. The whole a typically middle class lodging. Still have that strange feeling at regions of stomach on his account. Saw photos of the little girl too. She isn’t a beauty, but very young and innocent looking. Have a faint suspicion though that latter has been slightly changed knowing the man. Poor little kid she’ll have some disagreeable experiences yet. What I see in their future is not too rose coloured.

Yesterday’s gymn grand fun. Mother ill again, must have eaten something. Don’t very much want to see our dear friend Vin. but seems must on account of recipe needing a signature.

Went to a lecture on Elocution. It was grand fun. Really like playacting. I nearly had a fit. I’m going to the farther ones too. The man who is giving the lectures is still quite young, I expected him to be an elderly actor. There was about 30 of us men + women. Quite elderly ones too and some young boys. A mixed company. I did nothing towards the amusement of others and felt cheated in the end. So I’ll do something about it next time. Reminds me of our elocution lessons in England. Must look up my Phonetics. Mother is much better already trying to do about the home. Spoke with Marietta too. Yesterday though. Her younger brother has the ‘flu. I’m just thinking he is the most eligible young men of all I know or ever knew. – Met the girl Eve Gracter (???) on the bus when coming home. She married the man she was so worried about when we met last and was at home again already. They lived together for seven weeks only. So it worth ever to be upset about anyone. One can never know. Of course it is different with Jews and it is for life with us, still it makes it only the more serious. I really do wonder if all this heartbreak about Vin has any sense. In so far that I’m glad of the experience, it has. I only wish it weren’t so painful. It will pass though. 

A very good lecture about the Roumanian situation in reference to the minorities, etc. at the Society for Foreign Affairs. Marietta’s young brother very ill.