What a day. In the morning Leon rang me up and we made an appointment for the evening. Early in the afternoon he rang me up again at least one of the staff in his office did the actual ringing, seems in such cases he is not so shy of phoning, and told me in highly shocked way that he couldn’t come in the evening and that Father made an awfull mass again which he didn’t consider fair, of course it wasn’t to his advantage so it is easy to understand, etc and that he would be doing the same. I couldn’t oblige him by listening properly he even had to wait a few minutes in between, gave him a few minutes to get some breath. Anyway things upset me a little and I resolved to do my best. Which might have been a bit reckless but I didn’t care any longer. So before gymn I went to their place. Had to be content with the company of his brother, who was most polite, might even say kind. Then came the thunderstorm which I let just pour over my innocent head and which rather embarrassed the brother, made Leon more and more excited however. But as I didn’t offer any resistance, tried to sooth frayed nerves instead thing looked slightly calmer later. Of course gymn was off as it was too late. The sophism of the man. And how he can turn about questions. What is good for their firm must be right, he saw no slight lack of morals there. While of things are at disadvantage he flares up. Jewish blood + logic I’m afraid. – Well I went with the resolution of having out private problems too. Some things are better kept dark. Final result is: times, political situation, etc. are not the right for his marrying me at the moment with which I agree, though my private opinion is if people are truly fond of each other there can’t be real obstructions. Still, when we parted it was a final Good bye and I felt quite sorry for myself. Though I found it most illogical and ridiculous too as I went there with the final resolution of arriving to that point. So he is dead for me till next year and than I hope to go abroad so I’ll be dead to all. What a funny sad story. Strange how one can arrive to points if one aims at them. In future I’ll always make up my mind on a certain attitude and will try to attain certain aims with everyone on every occasion I know of previously. This sounds slightly nebulous. But I’ll make up my mind to make a certain impression or come to certain conclusive ends and to put my attitude, talk, etc in service of that. For instance this evening wanted to look the person who is truly fond of party present so tries to make peace, is of noble mind so bears inevitable failure in personal affair with courage though can’t help showing broken heart. (So to say.) I’m afraid I succeeded. So I’ll be an actress in future, life at least of the first water. Beware humanity.