Today I meant to see Vincent in his Clinic but somehow didn’t feel like going there after general hours. Might seem too obvious. I’ll go tomorrow morning, however, and register for those lectures on aviation at the same time if they won’t laugh me in the Népműv. Office. I think I’ll take it up after all and keep away from all men. Take up aviation in theory, keep away from men – in practice. If I think of it seriously no one really interested me except Leo in those far off youthful + innocent days of my life. Since then I had no one to attract me, except perhaps Mr. Rilly last summer, but he was married + I liked him only because he reminded me of Leo and was so obviously and delightfully mad. Vincent came then (?) the summer and I was most happy about him because he was so unlike the type I liked and besides he proved to me that I was quite normal in this question too. This attraction was a mistake however, because, though I really do like him and am very fond of him, it was founded on the misunderstanding that he was seriously attracted by me and I meant to him exactly what one should in such case. I can’t tell now what remarks of his did I misinterpret and who started the game on the whole. Anyway I lost all my illusions the first time he made love to me in practice. Men who want to marry one don’t try to kiss one. I suppose they stand on the principle of “everything or nothing”. I don’t know if this would hold with everyone for in that case I may have highest hopes with L. Truly “feminine” logic to be irritated by the lack of a thing in one while one is disillusioned by the same in the other. Anyway as I’m not likely to marry either of these “only” persons whom I ever happened to like in that was, and as I’m not likely to spend my time in looking out for other more suitable ones and as time passes and one has to do something with one’s life I’ll look out for something different. These too will keep as particular friends, the more so as we’ll want nothing of eachother so it’ll be a most unselfish affair. The less we see of eachother, however, the better. So I’ll fill out my ‘spare time’ with other interests. They have so much else to occupy them that they’re sure not to intrude. And just as well

– Stayed for two hours of gymn. Does my inferiority complex good to be among such who know less of something than I do. To be admired in other words.