The cinema was an utter failure. Again I was the first to arrive + felt a fool. This will have to be ended, I’m letting myself go. The film was a failure too. It was very interesting and well acted, but on account of the topic itself there was not the necessary unity to be found, it was falling to pieces, a marc (march?) of episodes. Leo fidgeted in his seat most of the time I really would have liked to hold him to keep him quiet, a bit of glue would have done the trick too. I’m not quite sure if on purpose or by chance I got too close to him, quite like nestling close to a person and he looked on me with a, what I think faintly amused and surprised smile. It was like a very cold shower which I deserved in either case, but spoilt my temper. I felt thoroughly ashamed to have fallen, or have been sliding so low and hated myself for it. He had to take his little niece home afterwards which did nothing towards improving my temper, especially as he wished to dispose of me first + meant to take me home and rush back. I felt furious so by the time we were half way home I told him I meant to call at a friends house quite near the place we started from. I certainly hope this “feminine” logic infuriated him. Of course this isn’t quite a noble thing to do. But I really couldn’t go home in such a state. I felt I couldn’t face any friend either, so walked home in the end after he left me, utterly miserable. I think the best would be to end this affair at once as I can’t keep indifferent at all. It makes me thoroughly miserable undignified + dissatisfied with myself and everything. The trouble is, as long as there isn’t a good solid obstacle between us I can’t stop seeing him if he wants me to and if we meet it upsets me again. I daren’t make an end of it for after all if he could loved me for years even without my being aware of it perhaps he is the so called only one for me. Now I know that about Vincent too I was so happy only because he was the proof that in spite of everything there was a man whom I could like and who was so unlike Leo in every way. He might have broken the spell perhaps and again Leo came just in time to spoil everything. I believe I’ll get rid of all the men. I like to be alone, good company at least and doesn’t hurt. The trouble is I made half a promise to Miss U. (?) to join a party on the 12^th + would bring men. Of course this was before the cinema. I have an idea though that my company isn’t half as desired as my brother’s with the car so I won’t be missed. Such promises may be broken.