This morning (15th) a short answer came to my letter to Dr Laki (?) on Monday. As it was addressed to my Mother she opened it. The letter itself was written to me however. Just three lines giving the name of a Dr he can recommend. Seems to have been in the same Clinic. I’m glad he mentioned my going to visit him with the new car as everyone read it. So perhaps we’ll manage it. But how to do it to give the effect of it’s just being instead of some other purpose. Now brainwaves do appear. I was awfully glad to have his letter not only on account of getting a reliable Dr. And I’m awfully glad he just put his Christian name at the bottom. I gave my full name when writing. And anyway I’m shamelessly glad just to hear from him. Which is most illogical as I resolved not to take notice of any man in future. Well I’m not going to let myself be hurt I hope. Still can’t decide if it is just a passing feeling or am I really fond of him. As I remember I was getting rather attracted that is why wanted to stop official visits. It is true that I wanted to improve him quite on altruistic prouds, I mean there wasn’t a single egoistic thought when I suggested his taking part at the Men’s Midnight Adoration at the Catholic Congress. It was just his sounding so surprised and grateful which managed to disturb that peaceful tranquility of mine. Ans now I’m not sure if I wanted to make him become a good person quite unselfishly or for my own sake. I’m afraid I’ll get a shock one of these days. By all I know of him. Anyway I’m going to take flowers to poor little Michael this afternoon to make up for all this “falseness” of mine.
