The shock I meant to mention was this. Dr Laki (?) asked me if I know the latest at which I suggested the little *Maris* (?) then he told we must part. I had the sinking feeling that he was going to get married. What a mad idea to think of that at all an to be disappointed about it. I was ashamed of myself on that recant afterwards though at the time I was too muddled to notice it. But as it turned out he was appointed to be the head of a hospital in the northern part, Érsekújvár to be exact and was off on Friday. I quite lost my head though not so far as not to ask everything meant to and wanted to long ago. About Mother too. Fortunately I had money on me so could pay his fees. He was most awfully decent, asked nothing for the injections or the certificate he filled out. I was so desperate that I mentioned again his going to confession and Holy Communion. At which he answered he can promise to do both and turn over a new leaf altogether or something to that effect, if everything turned out as he planned. At the time I was so confused that I couldn’t point out to him that he mustn’t raise conditions an is wrong in taking things from that angle. I mean to tell him though yet later on when he is settled. Anyway I told him I thought he was not a bad sort as it was at such he answered he only slipped into the mood, or something of the sort. Told him one can climb out of that. But I’m convinced he is a good man at the bottom as a matter of fact knew that all the time that is why I did my best to turn him away from all that. If I would have had an idea that he would get out of reach like this I might have tried even harder. Now I must make up for all that by praying for the man. –

We parted by promising to visit him in about 6-8 weeks time when he’ll be finished with settling down. I wonder if he won’t forget all about me by then. –

All these events had such an upsetting effect on me that my whole night was spoilt. Could hardly sleep and had an awful feeling at the heart had a splitting headache too and thought I was near my death altogether. Couldn’t decide if all this was on account of late supper or somewhat belated awakening of love. In latter case I could heavily shake myself. My nerves must be in an awful state. After all I can’t be hurt on account of every man I happen to meet. Decided to wait and see. After all if this is the man meant for me Providence will throw us together again. But I must be sure this time and I won’t do anything rash, will have patience instead and leave all to God. Was at Marietta’s too yesterday evening.